Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Wrapping Up The Holistic Challenge

 Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul


During the month of December, I challenged myself to do a new thing each day in an attempt to better myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.


So, how did it go?

In a phrase, it worked well. 

Now here are some of the details.

  • I tried to be realistic about the things I could do in a single day, especially as they began to stack up through the month.
  • I tried to vary the tasks so I was tapping into the different areas of the challenge.
  • I struggled later in the month as the holidays and other distractions became an issue.
  • Overall, I enjoyed the challenge and might do something similar again later.

And believe it or not, I am still doing many of the things that came out of the challenge. Over the next few weeks, I'll be blogging about them individually and share why I am continuing them.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me. It was a great experience.

Monday, December 25, 2023

An Atheist Singing Christmas Songs?

If you know me at all, you likely already know that I’m an atheist. So you might also be wondering why someone who believes as I do would have so many “Birth of Jesus” tracks in my Favorite Christmas Songs playlist. And today, I’m taking the time to explain.


When I was a little boy, raised mostly by my Catholic grandparents, I certainly believed in God and Jesus. My life away from them was chaotic and painful, and I took comfort in knowing that there was a greater power watching over me. It brought me peace and shelter when my life had none of that. And, of course, the Christmas songs that celebrated the Prince of Peace, the Messiah, and the King of Kings resonated with me. I needed to believe that all would one day be good for me.


As I grew older, my questioning nature became problematic for me. I wondered why God would allow horrible things to happen to children, for example. I just couldn’t accept that an all-knowing, all-powerful God would let the world exist as it was. After a time, I couldn’t align my worldly observations with the promise of a loving God. My empirical beliefs began to fall, but I still clung to the emotional feelings it gave me. It was almost like I knew better than to believe, but my heart longed for the love and peace of Jesus. So I accepted the reality but still held the promise in my heart.


Fast forward more years and even the idea of Jesus became painful. Listening to anti-gay voices from the Church screaming on corners that I was an abomination and would surely burn in Hell ultimately severed any feelings and any respect I had for organized religion. I saw anything church-related as adversarial, and it was easy to do. The hateful, angry voices that claimed to speak for God drove me completely and fully away. Even if God existed, he hated me, so fuck him. Fuck all of that and anyone who hid behind their faith while attacking my entire existence. As they say, “there’s no hate quite like Christian love.”


But time goes by. Hearts change.


Be clear. I still feel complete disgust for organized religion and the charlatans who use their interpretation of a holy book to fleece the trusting, berate the non-believers, and attack anyone different. But those are not the people that are still in my life.


My life is filled with people who are not lead by “religion.” Instead, their hearts are full of love. They care about other people just as those others are, without demanding they change to align with their own beliefs. And most importantly, they live their faith instead of wielding it like a weapon.


Those people will not convince me there is a god, of course. I am a grown man comfortable with my beliefs at this point in my life. But these friends of mine, and often friends of theirs, walk in the spirit of their beliefs. They love other people as the invaluable and magical human beings they are. They don’t demand change or obedience. Instead, they meet people wherever they are and bring love and kindness to those interactions.


What does all of that have to do with my playlist? It’s simple. These amazing people are my bridge back to those days when the idea of God and Jesus was a comfort. They help me appreciate the spirit of the season - peace, joy, and love to all people.


In other words, because so many of you show me and others like me kindness, love, and true acceptance just as we are, I can appreciate the message that Christmas brings to all mankind. You let me sing of angels, forgiveness, and a hope for tomorrow. So I sing the songs again, appreciating them as calls to love more, to give more, and to be more to those around me.


I’m still an atheist. But these songs help my heart open up just a little wider. And I choose to believe that is a good thing in itself.


Merry Christmas, all. My wish for you is that today brings you peace and joy, whether we believe the same or not. My humanity is surely made greater by your own.



Friday, December 22, 2023

The 22nd. December. And Finding Reasons to Stay.

 (I wrote this last year, but it could have just as easily been written this morning. The only real difference is, I'm now working with a therapist to keep my depression at bay. But it never really goes away completely. If this sounds like you, I'm right here. Talk to me. We'll battle whatever the fuck demons required to make sure we are both still standing come the sunrise. Please get help. We can't lose you.)

Today is the 22nd. On this day each month, I share a post about the high rate of veteran suicides. But this month isn’t like all of the others. So it seems fitting that what I’m going to share today isn’t like my usual posts, either. I’m going to talk about some facts, some truths, and some action items.

First, the facts. And they’re not good. Every single day, approximately 125 Americans die by suicide. That means there is one suicide death in the US every 11.5 minutes. On average, each suicide touches more than one hundred people, with 15-30 considered severely affected. And here’s one more timely fact. Despite Spring and Fall being the times of the year when death by suicide increases, New Year’s Day is the holiday that sees the highest number of suicide attempts.

And there’s more. For every suicide death, there are:
  • 4 hospitalizations for suicide attempts
  • 8 emergency department visits related to suicide
  • 27 self-reported suicide attempts
  • 275 people who seriously considered suicide

The exact numbers change slightly depending on the study cited, but this isn’t about a percentage point or a rounding average. It’s about the humanity behind the numbers.

And here’s some truths. Even the most well-meaning of us can easily miss the signs that a loved one is thinking about suicide. Sometimes we are occupied with our own stressful thoughts and the everyday demands of life and we just don’t notice. Or we might get a sense that something is off, but when we ask, our concerns are brushed off with a simple, “oh, no, I’m just tired from work,” or “I’m good, just swamped at school right now.” And if we are really worried and we press the issue, a friend or other loved one may just flat out lie to us and deny there is anything going on at all.

We recently lost a beloved entertainer to suicide. He was described as talented, handsome, successful, loved, and celebrated. And last week, a young activist working with the Human Rights Campaign died by suicide. He was known for his compassion and his dedication to helping the vulnerable and the marginalized. By all accounts, both of these individuals were living wonderful lives surrounded by caring friends and loving families. And yet, none of that was enough to save either man from their own suicidal ideations.

Here’s my personal truth. I am in a lifelong battle against depression and anxiety. Some days are better than others, sure. But some days are truly horrific. When it’s really bad, it feels almost like I can’t breathe. I am sad and hurt and mad and overwhelmed. My emotions churn inside of me to the point that just one more thing feels like it will be my undoing. My depression tells me that I can’t do anything about all the bad things surrounding me while my anxiety fuels my need to fix everything all at once. Yeah, it feels as fucked up as it sounds.

And there’s more. Those same voices that pile on one bad thing after another also lie when they convince me that I am alone in all of this. I know that my friends would drop everything to rush to help me if I would only tell them what is happening when it is happening. I know that cognitively, I mean. But emotionally, when I’m in that spiral, I don’t believe that. Instead, my brain tells myself whatever fuels my emotions.
  • Why be kind of depressed when I can bottom out?
  • Why be only a little sad when I can replay every horrible moment of my life and be gutted?
  • And why feel a little lonely when I can be the guy whose friends wouldn’t really like him at all if they ever really knew him?

And here’s one last fucked up truth. I promise my friends that I will reach out to them if I ever find myself in such trouble that my suicidal thoughts are becoming ideations and actual plans. But I won’t. Because even before I pick up the phone, I run the whole conversation through in my mind. And if they were to ask, “John, are you thinking of harming yourself?”, I know that I would answer, “no, of course not, I’m just having a really tough time.” And since I know what I would say, I don’t call them. I don’t drag them through my own nightmare. I just let myself go as low as I need to before I take a deep breath, stuff it all back down in my little shame and guilt compartments, and pick myself up and walk on.

Do I worry that one day my low point will be so low that I can’t come back? Yeah, sometimes. And for my own sake, I hope that I would reach out then. Hard to say for sure, but I think so.
So what is the point of all of this self-disclosure? One of the things that grounds me is feeling like I am helping somebody else. I’m a helper-junkie, for lack of a better term. So I share just about everything that bounces around in my head in hopes that other people struggling with similar challenges will take comfort knowing they aren’t the only one. And putting this stuff out there candidly and without embarrassment may just empower someone else to do the same, to let other people see more than just the surface smiles. Things really do get better outside the comfort zone, right?

And finally, the promised action items. I should start by saying that writing all of this out like this has me thinking that it might be a good time to get myself a little more one on one time with a therapist. Living with depression and anxiety does not also have to mean being miserable and an emotional wreck beneath the happy, shiny surface. So that’s on my own to-do list.

Bigger than me, though, are some good to know things that may help someone else. The CDC has a lot of great information, and here are two of the simple things to be aware of:

What to Watch For
Individual, relationship, community, and societal factors may influence the risk of suicide. Know the suicide warning signs including:
  • Feeling like a burden
  • Being isolated
  • Increased anxiety
  • Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
  • Increased substance use
  • Looking for a way to access lethal means
  • Increased anger or rage
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Expressing hopelessness
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Talking or posting about wanting to die
  • Making plans for suicide

How to Get Help
Safeguard the people in your life from the risk of suicide and support them:
  • Ask. Be direct.
  • Keep them safe.
  • Be there.
  • Help them connect. You can start with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org).
  • Follow up.

(I’m not going to go back, read what I wrote about myself, and edit it to something watered down and safe. Honesty and full disclosure are more likely to help me and others, so it all stays as written.)




Thursday, December 21, 2023

Day 21 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul





Challenge Day: 
21 of 31

Action Added:
Create Facebook Friend Lists

Benefit Type: Mental

___________






Each day I will spend a few minutes creating and arranging my Facebook Friend lists.

I use Facebook a lot, and part of that use includes posting things that are really targeted at a sub-group of my friends. Some posts are for runners, others are for Marines, and still others are for local types for shows or concerts. It would be super helpful to have Friend lists so I wouldn't have to select people individually. It will take a while, but it will be worth the effort.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: Stop drinking diet soda.

Reason Dropped: Because I am not feeling any benefits from it, even after two weeks. I don't need to drink as many per day as I used to, but diet soda with lunch or dinner is perfectly fine.

and

Previous Challenge Dropped: Spend 5 mins silent and without any tech.

Reason Dropped: After ten days, I can honestly say that I am not ready for anything like this. With so much going on right now, spending even five minutes completely inert is torture. Nope, no thanks.


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

Day 20 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul




Challenge Day: 20 of 31

Action Added:
Gather My Encouraging Words

Benefit Type: Physical

___________






Each day I will spend a few minutes transcribing and categorizing my daily encouraging words.

My long-term goal is to offer a collection of my encouraging words as a daily calendar and/or as illustrations for an upcoming book. Either way, I need to make them all more readily accessible. With this challenge and enough time, I will be able to get this done.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: Stop drinking diet soda.

Reason Dropped: Because I am not feeling any benefits from it, even after two weeks. I don't need to drink as many per day as I used to, but diet soda with lunch or dinner is perfectly fine.

and

Previous Challenge Dropped: Spend 5 mins silent and without any tech.

Reason Dropped: After ten days, I can honestly say that I am not ready for anything like. With so much going on right now, spending even five minutes completely inert is torture. Nope, no thanks.


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Days 18 and 19 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul

(I'm okay if I need to blog two or three challenges at once. The challenge itself is more important than writing it all down each day like clockwork.)





Challenge Day: 18 of 31

Action Added:
Stretch It Out

Benefit Type: Physical

___________







Each day I will engage in a gentle physical stretching session.

I will hold a stretch for 30 seconds and avoid bouncing, which can cause injury.

Engaging in a gentle stretching session each day will offer me numerous physical benefits. Here are some of the key benefits I hope to notice:

1. Increased Flexibility: Regular stretching will help increase my flexibility, which is crucial for my overall health. Improved flexibility will help me perform everyday activities with relative ease and will also help delay the reduced mobility that can come with aging.

2. Improved Range of Motion: Being able to move a joint through its full range of motion will give me more freedom of movement. Regular stretching will help increase my range of motion.

3. Muscle Health: Stretching will keep my muscles flexible, strong, and healthy. Without it, muscles can shorten and become tight, which can put me at risk for joint pain, strains, and muscle damage.

4. Improved Posture: Regular stretching will help improve my posture.

5. Increased Blood Flow to Muscles: Stretching will increase blood flow to my muscles, which can help deliver nutrients to my body and my muscles.

6. Injury Prevention: By increasing flexibility, I will reduce the risk of muscle imbalances, which can lead to poor posture and injuries.

7. Reduced Muscle Soreness: Stretching after a workout will also help reduce muscle soreness.

8. Relaxation and Mental Wellbeing: Stretching will provide me with relaxation and relief, which is beneficial not only physically, but mentally as well.





Challenge Day: 19 of 31

Action Added: Find My Calm

Benefit Type: All-Around

___________







Each day I will access my Calm app and spend 10-15 minutes feeling calm and relaxed. 

Using an app like Calm in the future will offer me numerous benefits. Here are some of the key benefits I hope to experience:

1. Ease of Use: The Calm app is user-friendly and visually impressive, making it easy for me to navigate and use.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: The app will provide me with hundreds of meditation practices and sleep stories, helping me to find inner peace and navigate life's stressors. It will also offer me a variety of wellness goals, such as sleeping better, reducing anxiety, and building self-esteem.

3. Improved Sleep: The app will offer sleep stories and relaxing music that will help me fall asleep faster.

4. Reduced Anxiety and Stress: The app will offer mindful guided meditation that can decrease my anxious state, allowing me to function more productively. It will also provide me with tools to manage stress and anxiety.

5. Increased Focus and Self-Improvement: The app will offer sessions on how to train my mind to focus, which will be beneficial for my overall mental health and productivity.

6. Variety of Content: The app will provide a wide range of content suitable for adults and children, from guided meditations to bedtime stories and soundscapes.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: Stop drinking diet soda.

Reason Dropped: Because I am not feeling any benefits from it, even after two weeks. I don't need to drink as many per day as I used to, but diet soda with lunch or dinner is perfectly fine.

and

Previous Challenge Dropped: Spend 5 mins silent and without any tech.

Reason Dropped: After ten days, I can honestly say that I am not ready for anything like. With so much going on right now, spending even five minutes completely inert is torture. Nope, no thanks.


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Sunday, December 17, 2023

Days 16 and 17 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul

(I'm okay if I need to blog two or three challenges at once. The challenge itself is more important than writing it all down each day like clockwork.)




Challenge Day: 
16 of 31

Action Added:
Check in with Myself

Benefit Type: All-Around

___________








Each day I will take a few minutes to think carefully about how I am feeling, decide if I need a little more attention in one area or another, or just need to throw up a hand and ask for help.

Taking a few minutes to think carefully about how I'm feeling and assessing my needs is a valuable practice for several reasons:

1. Self-awareness: Reflecting on my emotions and mental state helps me become more self-aware. Understanding my feelings allows me to identify patterns, triggers, and potential areas of concern.

2. Emotional regulation: Taking the time to assess my emotions enables me to regulate them more effectively. If I recognize that I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious, I can take steps to manage these emotions before they escalate.

3. Prioritization: By evaluating how I'm feeling, I can prioritize my needs. This helps me focus on what truly matters at the moment and allocate my time and energy accordingly.

4. Decision-making: Being in tune with my emotions can enhance my decision-making process. I'm more likely to make thoughtful and rational decisions when I have a clear understanding of my emotional state.

5. Communication: Knowing my emotional needs allows me to communicate more effectively with others. If I need support or assistance, expressing my feelings and needs can strengthen my relationships and help others understand how they can best support me.

6. Preventing burnout: Regularly checking in with myself can help prevent burnout. If I notice signs of stress or exhaustion, I can take proactive steps to rest and recharge before reaching a point of burnout.

7. Increased well-being: Mindful self-reflection contributes to my overall well-being. It encourages a proactive approach to mental health and can lead to a greater sense of balance and fulfillment in various aspects of my life.

8. Building resilience: Understanding my emotions and needs allows me to build resilience. I can adapt more effectively to challenges and bounce back from setbacks when I have a clear awareness of my emotional landscape.

In short, taking time to reflect on my feelings and needs is a crucial aspect of self-care and personal development. It empowers me to make informed decisions, maintain healthy relationships, and prioritize my well-being.






Challenge Day:
17 of 31

Action Added: Take a Micro-Vacation

Benefit Type: All-Around

___________








Each day I will take 5-10 minutes and act as if I am planning a wonderful vacation. 

Taking a few minutes each day to imagine and plan future vacations benefits me in several ways:

1. Stress Reduction: Imagining and planning vacations serves as a mental escape, helping me disconnect from daily stressors and triggering positive emotions.

2. Increased Motivation: Having a future vacation to look forward to serves as a powerful motivator, providing a goal to work towards and helping me stay focused on tasks.

3. Improved Well-being: The anticipation of a vacation enhances my overall sense of well-being, contributing positively to my mood and life satisfaction.

4. Enhanced Creativity: Engaging in the imaginative process of planning a vacation stimulates my creativity, positively affecting problem-solving and other cognitive functions.

5. Quality Time with Loved Ones: Planning a vacation with family or friends strengthens our relationships, providing an opportunity to share ideas and build excitement together.

6. Financial Planning: Planning a vacation involves budgeting and financial considerations, helping me assess my financial situation and make informed decisions about resource allocation.

7. Cultural Exploration: Researching potential vacation destinations allows me to learn about different cultures, histories, and customs, broadening my perspective and knowledge.

8. Increased Sense of Control: Planning a vacation gives me a sense of control over my future experiences, allowing me to make choices that align with my preferences.

9. Positive Visualization: Engaging in positive visualization of a future vacation contributes to a more positive and optimistic outlook on life.

10. Savoring the Experience: The process of planning a vacation allows me to savor the experience in advance, extracting enjoyment from the anticipation and enhancing overall satisfaction.

In summary, taking a few minutes each day to imagine and plan future vacations is a simple yet effective way for me to incorporate positive thinking, goal-setting, and enjoyment into my daily routine.

___________

And, for the first time since I began this project on December 1st, I am dropping a challenge. Two, actually. Here's what and here's why.


Previous Challenge Dropped: Stop drinking diet soda.

Reason Dropped: Because I am not feeling any benefits from it, even after two weeks. I don't need to drink as many per day as I used to, but diet soda with lunch or dinner is perfectly fine.

and

Previous Challenge Dropped: Spend 5 mins silent and without any tech.

Reason Dropped: After ten days, I can honestly say that I am not ready for anything like. With so much going on right now, spending even five minutes completely inert is torture. Nope, no thanks.


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Friday, December 15, 2023

Days 13, 14, and 15 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul

(I've been running behind so I'm catching up with multiple days.)




Challenge Day: 13 of 31

Action Added: 
Play a Game

Benefit Type: Mental

___________








Each day I will take 10-15 minutes to play a simple game, like Solitaire, Tetris, or Words with Friends.

Taking time each day to play a simple game provides vital mental benefits. It promotes cognitive function by engaging the brain in strategic thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making. This leisure activity serves as an effective stress reliever, diverting attention from daily pressures and fostering a sense of enjoyment. Games also stimulate the release of dopamine, enhancing mood and motivation. Furthermore, regular play fosters social connections, whether in person or online, contributing to a sense of community and reducing feelings of isolation. In summary, incorporating a daily game into my routine not only sharpens mental acuity but also positively influences emotional well-being and social interactions.







Challenge Day: 
14 of 31

Action Added: Quick Clean-Up

Benefit Type: Emotional

___________







Each day I will take 5-10 minutes to tidy up an area of the house. 

Making time each day to tidy up the house provides emotional benefits by creating a sense of order and control. The act of organizing and decluttering fosters a calming environment, reducing stress and anxiety. A tidy space promotes mental clarity, allowing for better focus and relaxation. Additionally, accomplishing small cleaning tasks daily instills a sense of achievement, boosting self-esteem and overall well-being. It transforms the home into a sanctuary, positively impacting mood and fostering a more positive emotional state, ultimately contributing to a healthier and happier mindset.





Challenge Day: 
15 of 31

Action Added: Find Some Good News

Benefit Type: Emotional

___________








Each day I will make it a point to seek out positive news or other upbeat stories.

Seeking out positive news stories can have profound emotional benefits by fostering feelings of hope, optimism, and joy. Consuming uplifting content provides a mental break from negativity, reducing stress and anxiety. Positive news stories can inspire a sense of community and restore faith in humanity, promoting a more positive outlook on life. This intentional focus on the good in the world enhances emotional well-being, encouraging individuals to approach challenges with resilience and a renewed sense of possibility.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: None

Reason Dropped: 


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Tuesday, December 12, 2023

Day 12 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul





Challenge Day: 12 of 31

Action Added:
Don't Borrow Trouble

Benefit Type: Emotional

___________








I will not borrow trouble from tomorrow. I will stay focused on the things I can do today rather than worry about things that may or may not even happen.

The expression "don't borrow trouble" is a piece of good advice that encourages people to avoid unnecessary worry or stress about potential future problems or difficulties. The underlying wisdom is rooted in the idea that anticipating and dwelling on potential problems that may never occur can lead to unnecessary anxiety and stress, negatively impacting one's mental well-being.

The phrase suggests that instead of borrowing or taking on the emotional burden of potential troubles, it's wiser to focus on the present moment and deal with actual challenges as they arise. It emphasizes the importance of living in the present and not allowing hypothetical future concerns to overshadow the enjoyment of the current situation.

In essence, "don't borrow trouble" encourages individuals to be mindful, stay present, and reserve their mental and emotional energy for addressing real issues when they arise, rather than expending energy on worrying about what might happen in the future.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: None

Reason Dropped: 


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Getting "the call" about Potential Cancer

If I've learned anything in my life, it's that keeping secrets is a terrible way to process and work through important things. And let's be honest, I'm kind of known for talking about things most others choose not to talk about. So let's do this.

As many of you know, I contracted Pertussis (adult whooping cough) back in the mid-90's, when a group of idiotic parents here in San Diego decided they knew better than science and chose to not vaccinate their children. As you can imagine, the number of cases surged and people like me got caught in the mess. 

Ever since then, my permanently damaged lungs have struggled with bronchitis and pneumonia. A couple of weeks ago was one of those times, and I had bronchitis so bad that my doctor recommended a lung x-ray to be sure nothing else was going on.

Turns out, there is something more going on. The nurse called yesterday morning to tell me the xray showed that I have "two right lower lobe lung nodules measuring 8 and 9 mm, appearing from the prior exam." She also told me the doctor wanted to see me right away to discuss the findings. And that right away meant a telephone appointment next Monday was too long to wait and I am seeing him today.

Big news, right? I've since read that the size of the nodules indicates only a ten percent chance they are malignant. More likely, they are benign and we'll just have to keep an eye on them. But first they will probably recommend a biopsy to know for sure. But why the big urgency from my doctor? I don't know and won't know until my appointment this morning.

I'll be honest. Yesterday was a tough day to get through. I kept playing worst-case scenarios through my mind and most of them ended terribly.

Late in the afternoon, I spoke to a friend who had already dealt with his own bout with cancer. He was calming and said all the right things. But I still felt pretty stressed about everything.

In the early evening, another friend texted me, and part of her message was to ask how I was doing. Just like that, despite deciding to tell know no one about this, I found myself texting her all about it. And not thirty minutes after that, another friend reached out and I did the same thing. I opened up to her and shared all the details.

And you know what? After that, I was able to calm down enough to have a relaxing evening sitting in my living room reading.

The moral of this story? Secrets suck. Once I let myself open up to friends and talk about what was happening, I was able to see all of this through a different lens. Yes, I am absolutely still worried about what is going on. And I am anxious about seeing my doctor. But I am not dealing with this alone. My husband and friends will be right here with me through it all, no matter what is coming. That provides a comfort and a strength that helps me stay grounded. 

So there will be more to this story in the days ahead, but for now, here's a handy infographic I created that illustrates my state of mind as the day went on.  


I can handle whatever comes my way. That's the real lesson I need to remember.



Monday, December 11, 2023

Day 11 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul





Challenge Day: 11 of 31

Action Added:
Dumbbell Break

Benefit Type: Physical

___________









Each workday I will take five short breaks and complete a simple dumbbell workout.

Taking short breaks during the workday and incorporating stretching with dumbbells can offer several physical benefits. Here are some advantages:

1. Improved Blood Circulation: Physical activity, even in the form of short breaks and light stretching with dumbbells, can enhance blood circulation. This helps deliver more oxygen and nutrients to the muscles and organs, contributing to overall cardiovascular health.

2. Reduced Muscular Tension: Stretching can help alleviate muscular tension and stiffness. Incorporating dumbbells adds resistance, promoting a deeper stretch and further relaxation of muscles.

3. Enhanced Flexibility: Regular stretching, especially with added resistance from dumbbells, can improve flexibility. This can contribute to better range of motion in joints and reduce the risk of injury.

4. Prevention of Muscular Imbalances: Stretching and using dumbbells can help address muscular imbalances by promoting symmetry in muscle length and strength. This is important for maintaining proper posture and reducing the risk of overuse injuries.

5. Increased Energy Levels: Physical activity, even in short bursts, stimulates the release of endorphins, which are known as "feel-good" hormones. This can lead to increased energy levels and improved mood, helping to combat fatigue during the workday.

6. Relief from Sedentary Stress: Prolonged periods of sitting can contribute to physical discomfort and stress on the body. Taking short breaks and incorporating stretches with dumbbells helps counteract the negative effects of a sedentary lifestyle.

7. Boosted Metabolism: While short breaks may not replace a full workout, incorporating physical activity with dumbbells can help boost metabolism. This can contribute to maintaining a healthy weight and supporting overall metabolic function.

8. Improved Concentration and Productivity: Physical activity has been shown to positively impact cognitive function. Taking short breaks and engaging in stretching with dumbbells can help refresh the mind, leading to improved concentration and productivity upon returning to work tasks.

9. Enhanced Posture: Stretching with dumbbells can target specific muscle groups involved in maintaining good posture. This can help prevent or alleviate issues related to poor posture, such as neck and back pain.

10. Stress Reduction: Physical activity, even in small doses, is known to reduce stress. Stretching with dumbbells can be a relaxing activity that helps release tension, both physically and mentally.

___________

Previous Challenge Dropped: None

Reason Dropped: 


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

Sunday, December 10, 2023

Day 10 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul



Challenge Day: 10 of 31

Action Added:
Get Good Sleep

Benefit Type: Emotional

___________









Each evening, I will be in bed by 9:30pm and all devices off, ready to sleep by 10:00pm.

Getting good, consistent sleep is essential for overall health and well-being. Here are some key benefits:

1. Improved Cognitive Function: Adequate sleep is crucial for cognitive processes such as memory, attention, problem-solving, and creativity. It helps consolidate and organize information, making it easier for me to learn and retain new things.

2. Enhanced Mood: Lack of sleep is associated with mood disturbances, irritability, and an increased risk of developing mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. A good night's sleep can contribute to emotional resilience and a more positive outlook.

3. Physical Health: Quality sleep supports the proper functioning of the immune system, helping my body defend itself against illnesses. It also plays a role in regulating hormones that control appetite and metabolism, reducing the risk of obesity and related conditions.

4. Optimal Physical Performance: Sleep is crucial for physical performance and recovery. It helps improve coordination, reaction times, and muscle repair.

5. Heart Health: Chronic sleep deprivation has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, including hypertension and heart attacks. Getting enough sleep helps maintain a healthy cardiovascular system.

6. Reduced Stress: Sleep plays a vital role in the body's ability to manage stress. A well-rested mind and body are better equipped to cope with daily challenges and stressors.

7. Enhanced Creativity and Problem-Solving: During the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of sleep, my brain consolidates memories and processes emotions, contributing to creative thinking and problem-solving skills.

8. Better Immune Function: Quality sleep supports the production of cytokines, proteins that help the immune system fight off infections. Consistent sleep can reduce the likelihood of falling ill and speed up recovery when I do get sick.

9. Improved Reaction Time and Safety: Sleep deprivation can impair reaction times and increase the risk of accidents, whether it's on the road or at work. A well-rested individual is more alert and better able to navigate daily tasks safely.

10. Long-Term Cognitive Health: Chronic sleep deprivation has been associated with an increased risk of neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's and dementia. Adequate sleep is crucial for maintaining long-term cognitive health.

It's important to note that individual sleep needs vary, but most adults require 7-9 hours of sleep per night for optimal health and functioning. Establishing good sleep hygiene practices, such as maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, creating a comfortable sleep environment, and avoiding stimulants close to bedtime, can contribute to better sleep quality.

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Previous Challenge Dropped: None

Reason Dropped: 


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.

This Very Hard, Very Awful Week

There is something complicated that happens when you learn that a loved one has lost their battle with depression.

You feel shock and then a sadness because they are gone.

You feel guilt, wondering if there was something else you could have said or done to help them hang on.

And if you're me, who struggles with my own depression, the next thing you feel is fear. What if I am not strong enough and one day, that same battle takes me, too?

I'll be candid. I'm not handling this well. I move between the guilt over not saying enough of the right things when we spoke to make him stay and the sadness that sometimes there isn't anything to say to change someone's mind and fear my own depression will be what takes me out someday. Either way, it all just leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach.

Goodbye and safe journey, Scott. May you finally be free of the pain. May you finally know the peace that has eluded you for so long.


As for me, I'm clinging to this life I have with every ounce of strength that I have. I am being open and honest with friends so they understand when I am having a bad day. I am taking a mood stabilizer to help mitigate the emotional highs and lows. I'm in counseling, seeing a therapist and finally making a real effort to move on from the trauma of my past.

In other words, I am not going to quietly accept my fate and leaving this life by my own hand. Oh, no, that will not be me. I am doing everything I can to convince the me struggling that life is always still worth living. Because I have so much still to do.

Life is so, so good. And I want to stick around for it.






Saturday, December 9, 2023

Day 09 - Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge

Embracing December: The Holistic Challenge for Mind, Body, and Soul





Challenge Day: 
09 of 31

Action Added: Positive Affirmations

Benefit Type: Emotional

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Each morning, I will write down three positive things about me.

Daily positive affirmations can offer a range of psychological and emotional benefits. While the effectiveness may vary from person to person, I hope to find incorporating affirmations into my daily routine to be a helpful practice. Here are some potential benefits.

1. Positive Mindset: Affirmations can help shift my mindset from negative to positive. By consistently focusing on positive statements, I can reframe my thoughts and cultivate a more optimistic outlook on life.

2. Increased Confidence: Affirmations often target areas where I may lack confidence. Repeating positive statements about my abilities and worth can boost self-esteem and foster a greater sense of self-confidence.

3. Stress Reduction: Engaging in positive affirmations may contribute to stress reduction. By emphasizing positivity, I can counteract negative thoughts and promote a more relaxed and calm state of mind.

4. Improved Focus: Affirmations can help direct my attention to my goals and aspirations. By consistently affirming my intentions, I reinforce my commitment and maintain focus on what I want to achieve.

5. Enhanced Resilience: Affirmations can contribute to building resilience by fostering a more positive and adaptive mindset. When faced with challenges, having a foundation of positive affirmations can help me navigate difficulties with a more optimistic attitude.

6. Better Emotional Well-Being: Regularly practicing positive affirmations can contribute to improved emotional well-being. By reinforcing positive emotions and thoughts, I may experience increased happiness and satisfaction in various aspects of my life.

7. Increased Motivation: Affirmations can serve as motivational tools. By reminding myself of my goals and aspirations, I may feel more motivated to take the necessary actions to achieve them.

8. Improved Relationships: Positive affirmations can extend to how I interact with others. When I cultivate a positive mindset, I may find it easier to build and maintain positive relationships with those around me.

9. Encourages Positive Habits: Affirmations can be integrated into daily routines, helping to reinforce positive habits. Whether related to health, productivity, or personal growth, affirmations can provide a consistent reminder of my intentions.

10. Better Health: Some studies suggest that a positive mindset may contribute to better physical health. While affirmations alone may not be a cure-all, they can be a complementary practice for overall well-being.

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Previous Challenge Dropped: None

Reason Dropped: 


Here is the link to the full spreadsheet with more details, updated daily.