As anyone who knows me will attest, I have become the King of Evites. If there is something fun going on in this town, everyone counts on me to organize a group to go and do it. Currently, I have Evites out for seven different events for my birthday, the play Beautiful Thing, a 5k at Sea World, a wine tour in Temecula, a Roman fresco exhibit at the Museum of Art, a road trip to Phoenix for Gay Pride, a 50 mile bike ride in Mexico, a Spring Fling barbeque, and the musical Wicked coming to San Diego in August. Whew. So, I have all of these events planned, and it really is a great deal of coordinating to make them happen successfully. So why this blog entry? What do I mean by Friends and Other Difficulties?
Because with any large group of friends, there is going to be conflict. Specifically, I have two friends who were married and are now divorced, both with new partners. They are both mature adults who do not seek each other out but are not awkward when they are in the same place… like at my college graduation last summer. But they have partners who have their own issues with the ex-spouses, so I always have to balance my invitations. If I invite her, I don’t invite him, and vice-versa.
Another set of friends are now definitely NOT friends, after one betrayed the other. I understand that one friend made a huge mistake and really hurt the other one, but I also realize it is not about me. It is between them, and I am trying to stay out of it. But the same conflict arises when I am planning events. I would like both friends to be there, but they won’t go for it.
The Dear Abby solution, of course, is to just invite everyone I want and leave it to each person to decide to come or not. And while that sounds good in theory, the reality is that both sides of any conflict would opt to not come, leaving me without any of them at the gatherings and events I organize.
This is a constant source of frustration for me, in that I cannot find a way to resolve the issues between my friends and I constantly feel like I am in the middle. To be fair, my friends do not actively make me choose or mediate, but I am stuck, nonetheless. Harumph.