Thursday, May 25, 2006

Is "cranky" a mood?

Today finds me in a weird place. Cognitively, I know that things are great right now. Quickly, I can list all kinds of positive things:

  • A great husband who is mad about me
  • Great friends that love me
  • A cool dive trip scheduled for Monday
  • Out of state friends coming to visit next weekend
  • Exciting upcoming events (10k, century ride)
  • A job with freedom and autonomy, if not challenges

So, what’s the problem? The last couple of weeks, I have felt melancholy and detached. I am short with everyone, easily irritated by things I normally just ignore. I find myself snapping at people for nothing, really. This morning, I even surprised myself when I missed yet another traffic light on the way to work and reacted with a loud “F*ck!”

All day at work, all I want to do is leave. And when I get home, all I do is sit and watch TV. I don’t log on to my computer, I don’t read a book, and I don’t really want to do anything. After hours of being distracted by TIVO, I wander to bed and prepare to start the whole thing again. How crappy does that sound?

I know, I know… I am exhibiting classic signs of depression. Or is it just a reaction to coming back from vacation, realizing that my day-to-day existence is nowhere near as fun as the time spent on holiday? Or am I just in a low-spot, nothing more than an extended bad mood?

Maybe the endorphins of exercise will help. Granted, they haven’t so far, but maybe today is the day, right?

Argh.