We all say it, and we all mean it, but still I have to write it. The toughest thing about going on vacation is coming back to work. I checked my email Sunday night before returning to work, so I would at least have an idea of what my Monday morning would be like. Crazy hardly covers it.
I had intended to spend my time away from the office evaluating my career decisions and options. Instead, I put the office further behind me with every mile I drove. Now that I am back, though, I am again confronted with the realization that I do not enjoy what I am doing for a living. When it was new to me, three years ago, it was pretty cool. I had a chance to learn commercial escrow and work with the Marine Corps again. It was a win-win.
Now, though, the new car smell is definitely gone. Oh, there are still plenty of benefits to this job. One, I work with Ric in the same office. That is great. Two, I have a lot of autonomy. Within reason, I can set my own hours and come and go as I please. Three, the location and working conditions are fantastic.
The down side? I am just not enjoying what I do. I feel like I am pushing papers all day, and none of it leaves me feeling "yeah, that made a difference." Of course, what I need to sort out is whether this is about the job or about me. Because if it is the job, then leaving and starting somewhere else makes sense. But if it is about me - and I fear it is - then leaving does no good. Wherever I go, there I am.
So I will spend some time thinking about it, and I will most certainly blog about it again.