Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
I just have to keep telling myself that everyday is a step in the right direction. And, I know not to just watch the scale. Before I see any drastic change in numbers, I will already feel stronger, have more energy, and notice that my clothes are fitting better.
I know these things. I do. I just have to keep writing them out to remind myself.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I should run more on the treadmill. I should run farther and faster. And I should put more effort into the biking, too. And of course, I should start weight training. I know these things, but I'm not there, yet. And I am not going to spend too much time "should'ing" all over myself.
I am going to the gym every day. I am eating much, much healthier. And I am going to do this. That is where I will put my energy right now.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I'm not giving up, just struggling with a single *ugh* day at the gym. It happens, I know, so I am not going to make a big deal of it. I just have to get right back there tomorrow and get after it again!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Then I had Wendy's for lunch with Ric. I had a crispy chicken sandwich with fries. One step back.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
And, not only did I run the 5k, I biked five miles before and five miles after. So congrats to me!
Friday, May 22, 2009
This is a tough time. I have to go slowly enough that I do not burn out, but not so slowly that I don't see results and get frustrated. It's clearly a balancing act, but I have no idea how much is too much in either direction.
I'm going to keep doing the right things - working out consistently, eating smaller meals more often through the day, and starting some sort of relaxation/meditation program to help slow down my mind. But if those things don't start working soon, I'm going to be having a little chat with my doctor about Ambien.
I need sleep.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
That was until I woke up at 4:38am and could not go back to sleep. I tossed and turned a few minutes, but once my mind starting racing, I had no choice but to get up. And I told myself that getting up and heading to the gym meant I could feel good all day about having worked out, so I went.
Now, though, I am tired. Really, really tired. I am heading home, having a light dinner, then relaxing until I go to bed at 9:00pm. I will definitely get a good night's sleep tonight.
On the other hand, I have to be careful of finding excuses for myself to not eat right, to not work out, to sleep in and avoid exercise. I can't let "I'll change that later, I am just doing this now" become a habit.
First up? Changing my eating habits. I am cutting out fast food completely, which means I need to spend a bit more time thinking about what I eat. Healthy lunches, more fresh fruit, snack-sized veggies, and lots of little meals (thanks, Michelle!) are on the menu, and breakfast donuts, Doritos, and Taco Bell are off it. Fortunately, Diet Mt. Dew and Diet Coke stay, though I am going to make it a point to drink more water throughout the day at the office.
Next? Getting this ol' body moving. I enjoyed an hour long, 3.5 mile walk yesterday through Balboa Park, but I know that I also need the structured routine of a gym. I started this morning with a 22 mile, one hour ride on the bike. It wasn't so much that I over-did it, but it was enough that I felt like I had accomplished something. And despite wanting to go back after work, I am going to wait until tomorrow. No need to push too fast and end up burning myself out.
I'm feeling good about my decisions. Now to just get through the transition period and develop a plan that I can maintain long-term.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
But, life being what it is, my efforts at getting in shape came to an abrupt halt in January 2007 when I contracted pertussis (adult whooping cough). Suddenly, just breathing was difficult enough, and I was on short term disability for two months. It really messed with my health, but worse still, it gave me an excuse to stop trying. So I did.
Rather than spend another moment thinking about the could of, would of, should of, I am going to focus my attention on what I can do now to improve my health. I've dragged around long enough.
But, sharing it with other people also means that my friends will know what I am going through. And knowing my friends, they will offer encouragement and help me stay motivated. They will also make it harder for me to slack off, since they will be looking for updates.
So, to share or not to share? I think I know what that answer is.
Obviously, part of my battle is going to be controlling what I eat. And another part is making myself get to the gym. But the other part is going to be managing my mood. I fluctuate so quickly (and often!) between feeling like I want to do this and deciding to just give it all up and quit. I really wish this part was easier, but wishing isn’t going to get it done.
When I went for my annual physical, I weighed in at 220 pounds. I know I have been gaining weight for a while, and the last several months of work and school (and zero exercise) have only made that worse. But knowing I weigh 220 pounds? Damn. That is unbelievable to me.
For me, this has to be my line in the sand. Enough. I can either get myself back on track or give up altogether. And giving up is not my style. So, all that's left for me to do is quit thinking about it and start fixing it.
And my mantra? I'll never again be as overweight as I am at this moment.