Friday, April 2, 2010

Something Wicked This Way Comes

My mood seems all over the place. I'm happy, feeling pretty good, and I really don't have a care in the world. Life is good. But I feel like something is waiting, floating just beyond where I can see. And it's something bad. 

As a child, I was in denial about these feelings. I would just ignore them and pretend that they weren't happening. But that just increased my anxiety level.

As an adult, I used to react very differently to such a feeling. I would have forced a good time, heading out with friends for drinks and burying the angst under a flood of cocktails and laughs. But I know better. That type of solution really isn't. Not only do I still have to deal with whatever worries I had, I also have to deal with the drama that I created the night before. It's just adding bad to bad. 

These days, I handle this type of feeling differently. Rather than deny it, or fight it, I accept that is where I am emotionally and make my peace with it. I don't wallow but I don't pretend, either. Instead, I take the time to care for myself. I make sure I do something that requires me to move around and burn off energy, then I eat something good and good for me. Finally, I hunker down with a good book and quiet time alone. 

It's not hiding. It's not brooding. And it's not pouting. It's just a little quiet me-time that helps me sort out whatever is making me anxious. And soon enough, often with the rising of the morning sun, I'm back to my old self. It might not work for everyone, but it gets me through the lower points. 

And with that, I'm heading home for a little "take care of SDJ" time. Happy Easter, all.