Friday, February 4, 2011

"You are so full of yourself."

Yep. Someone said that to me. And it was a complete compliment. Weird, right? I'll explain. 

This morning, I posted this for my status here on Spark People: 

"A 4 mile run? You bet. Because all this sexy doesn't just happen on its own." 

I received several laughing and joking responses back, as expected. And I also received this: 

"Are you kidding me! You are so full of yourself...I love it! You are the only one responsible for your own happiness. You are a star *******" 

This prompted a lot of internal discussion for me, but before I go any further, let me make one thing perfectly clear. My Spark Buddy that posted it meant it as a complete and total compliment. I know that. Let there be no confusion that I took it as anything different. 

That said, my thought process after reading it was really something. And as I ran this morning, I kept turning this over and over in my mind. And this is what I worked out. 

Old Me would have read that statement like this: 

"areyoukiddingme! YOU ARE SO FULL OF YOURSELF ...iloveit!youaretheonlyoneresponsibleforyourownhappiness.youareastar*******" 

I would have ignored all the fun and humor. I wouldn't have seen the compliments. I would have focused on the "criticism" and let it bother me. I would have read it as an attack, like someone was accusing me of being arrogant and self-absorbed. Old Me would purposely overlook anything good and only see the bad. 

But Old Me left last year. He was tossed out along with the thirty-five pounds of extra weight and the forty-three years of beating myself up. Old Me is just a memory, a reminder of a time when there was nothing I couldn't twist or distort into an attack on myself. And Old Me is my greatest reminder of all the years and energy lost, wasted defending myself from attacks that existed only in my mind. 

And New Me? New Me read that comment, chuckled, and thought, "heck yeah, I'm full of myself... full of sexy and fabulous, baby!" 

Thank you, KRAEG3, for giving me another reminder of how far I have come this past year. I've done more than lose weight. My inward attacks on myself are something else I am proud to say I have run off. 


(Originally posted on SparkPeople.com)