Saturday, March 24, 2012

Action 225 - Let Go.

I'll be honest. Had I known forty-four days ago where this project would take me, I'm not sure that I would have started it. I was fully prepared for a journey of long runs, road fuel, and recovery days. But I wasn't thinking just how deep this introspection would take me. There really is no turning back now. And I'm finally understanding something that has eluded me all of my life.

Action 225 - Let Go. Before I started this, I had a warped idea of letting something go. I thought I just churned on it awhile, took whatever action I could to fix it, then stuffed it back into my sack of crap. Out of sight, out of mind. Supposedly. But that's not how it works at all, is it?

By connecting my physical journey with my mental and emotional growth, I've somehow magnified both. And I'm seeing progress as successive steps on a path, not one-off quick fixes. And for the first time in my adult life, I am clear on not only what I need to do but how to do it.

I've shared with the world... well, my extended world of friends and family, at least... that my early days were dark and just how close I came to ending my own life. I've told those same people about something horrible and painful that happened to me as a child. Both of these things have weighed heavy on my heart my entire life. I carried them like scars I felt I had to hide from everyone else. Rather than being a moment in my past, they had become full-time burdens.

Now, though, they have no power over me. I'm not expending an ounce of energy to hide them away from the world. I no longer need to fear losing control and letting my dark truth slip out. More than that, I understand now that they were never my shame to bear. And I am ready to live a life without that weight.

Let go. It's every bit as scary as it seems, but twice as rewarding. And now it's time for me to get back to my amazing life already in progress.


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